Women in India violated!

There is this latest article by an American student doing the rounds, about how she felt violated and traumatized during her study tour in India and how she ended up with the PTSD. Refer article here: http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1023053

This post would seem like a continuation of my previous post about India. India is all about rich history, beautiful architecture (whatever is left of it), variety of cultures and all of that. I love this country no doubt, but the only way to be safe here is to rise above the 'common man' status. Which again would mean probably joining politics and other illegal means. Sigh. Coming back to what I really want to talk about here, women in India. Its not about having fair skin and coloured hair here. Its about every woman that gets out of the house.

I am born and brought up in India, with a fair share of exposure to foreign countries. I have been brought up in a fairly modern family in the armed forces. Majority of my childhood I lived in NOFRA, colaba, Mumbai. Very secured, very safe. And its nothing like the typical 'India' you experience outside. In my early teens, we had to move to this city of Indore, because dad had taken up a job there. Thats when the cultural difference gave me a heavy jolt. One incident where  had worn shorts and went for a walk with my dad in the colony attracted eve teasers and hooting calls. My parents had restricted me from wearing shorts, spaghetti tops, short skirts, anything that was 'inappropriate' as per the culture there. That's when I began hating the place. Any place or culture that objectifies women, doesnt let them be, isnt worth liking anyways. There were many such incidents following this one that only increased my disdain for the place.

Cut-to youth. The Real world. Back in Bombay. Working. I was back in Bombay and working. But no more in the security of Colaba. I was traveling in trains and meeting new people. I was scouring the common man's markets looking for work related things. When I connected with my Bombay again. It had changed. Although it is miles ahead of the cultural shock that Indore was. It was still different. I didnt feel safe. I had hit men at station for trying to grope me. I was reporting men for eve teasing. I was being stared at. Not only stared, there is a very crass term that men use when they look at women, its called 'chakshu-chodan'. I am sure all women here would have experienced that. There were men looking at women and pleasuring themselves in full public view. All this without any apprehension or the slightest of worry of being inappropriate. Sadly, in India only women are inappropriate, not the men.

Walking around in India with the common public, women feel like fresh meat, amidst hungry dogs. unless you are traveling in an AC car, doing rounds of an upper crust mall, and going back home, you will be subjected to everything that the article above says the student went through.

Again, I am not generalizing 'all Indian men'. But c'mon whom are we kidding. How many of Indian men are gentlemen. A fraction few in India. A very small percentage. Those men that wont eve-tease, that wont comment, that wont stare, that wont lust when they look at women. Men who would step aside when a woman is passing by, and not try to stick their elbows out so that it brushes her breasts. How many? Not many Indian men I am afraid.

The student also mentions attempted rape, that I agree happens in other countries as well, and not only in India. But what happens post rape is another story here. The women are further victimized, they let the men get away with it.

I would think all Indian women should have PTSDs cause we go through this every day, every bloody day. But we have grown thick skins now. We have learnt to hold our bags to our chests and walk. We have learnt to keep our head down and stare at the road, We have learnt to wear headsets listen to music and not hear the lewd comments. We have learnt to compromise and learnt to be victimized. We get sexually harassed everyday and don't even realize it to that extent. The saddest part is that, this has become second nature to us.  We are ok with it.

For women in India sexual harassment translates more into embarrassment, as we are made to believe time and again that its our fault and not the other way around.

I hope more mothers teach their sons to respect women. But then, will the labours, street and slum dwellers ever learn that? Maybe not. Maybe in some years the educated and learned people in India will stop existing and just move out. This co-existence is becoming more and more diificult.

Cheers to a new India. Sans the intellectual class.

India and all that goes!

Its been a while that i wanted to blog about this brilliant country I live in. India. However, a discussion on the school friends whatsapp group really pushed me to writing it.

I am not unhappy personally. I love this country. I love that I come from a rich culture and strong heritage. I love the fact that my family and friends are here. I guess I wouldn't like to live in any other country apart from India. The sheer diversity and easy-going pace of the country attracts me and keeps me glued to it. Also, coming from a fauji background the inherent patriotism is another reason.

Having said all of the above, I have serious concerns about the country. My unhappiness, or dissatisfaction stems when I open my eyes and look beyond home. I have complaints as a citizen. The infrastructure sucks. its bad. Really really bad. Monsoons is a nightmare in Mumbai. There are potholes everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Even on the so-called newly constructed roads. There is lack of emergency services. After an accident u will die bleeding on the road but no one will come to your rescue. The authorities will argue and bicker about jurisdiction. Even of u get an ambulance, the sheer lack of civic sense and laws will make sure it wont reach the hospital on time. And we have all seen numerable incidents to corroborate these statements. I dont need to tell you how ambulances are treated on road in India.

Talking of Civic sense. I am ashamed of Indians in general. They liter. They spit. They break traffic rules. They are basically ill-mannered. Then again you would think, y should one blame the govt for this. Because of lack of education. Literacy is one thing. Education is another. We lack both of these in our country. We need better schools, better teachers, better curriculum, stricter adherence to schedules etc etc. We need responsible representatives that dont kill children with mid-day meals.

We need Population control. For my reasons and concerns regarding this, pls read the previous blog: http://worldbeyondcolours.blogspot.in/2013/05/idiocracy.html.

Poverty is a concern yes. I can not say much about the rural sector, but in urban space it is more lack of will to rise than lack of opportunities. Having worked partially with NGOs as a volunteer I know how things move around. I realize I am not supposed to feel guilty to be privileged (thats what the 'well to do' are, right?). Infact, its our taxes that pay for a lot of these people. Not sure if that money is used correctly. There are more NGOs that are doing good work than, any govt. run/affiliated organization in the field of up-liftment of under-priviledged.

If you point at me saying what have I done as a citizen to bring forth change? Here's my list - I pay taxes, I don't litter, I don't riot, I use all govt provided (whatever minimal) amenities with care, I do community service, I am not party to Brain Drain. I don't have time to do much more cause the life here doesn't allow any more time.

Today what I am or what I have made is purely by sheer hard work. There is no govt. supported  infrastructure or financial framework that helped me. I bust my ass everyday to make things work around. All I ask from the govt is better roads, 24hrs water, Safety & Security and better medical/emergency services. Rest we will manage. We have been managing for donkeys years.

But Alas! That's not to be. Everyday new scams, new controversies, debates on voting points. The citizen of the country gets lost in between all of this somewhere.

I have hope, still have hope, that maybe, just maybe, things may get better.

PS. My personal happiness quotient is very high, cause that does not include any govt provided things. It includes family and personal well being which is in optimum condition. (Again! all private players not govt. support there ;))

pari hoon

Today, read about another rape and the victim is an American woman working and living in India. It’s a regular news now to hear about foreign women being raped in India. Women, no matter from where they belong should not be violated. No matter how they dress, how they talk, what culture they belong to, when women say no they mean no, and that line should not be crossed…

हाँ में परी हूँ 

दूर देश से आई एक परी हूँ 

थोड़ी सी अलग 

थोड़ी सी बेखबर 

थोड़ी अनजान 

थोड़ी आजाद 

ख्याल है मेरे खुले खुले 

रिश्ते यूँ ही बन भी जाते है 

सम्बन्ध भी जुड़ जाते है 

लेकिन है मेरी भी सीमाएं कई 

उलंघन करके  उनका 

अनादर ना करो मेरा 

बस कुच्छ क्षण के सहवास के लिए 

न तोड़ो यूँ मेरी पवित्रता 

मैं तोह सिर्फ एक परी हूँ 

दूर देश से आई हुई 

तुम्हारा देश है प्यारा प्यारा 

प्यारे रंगों से खिला खिला 

लेकिन क्यूँ होता है हर बार मेरे साथ 

क्या में थोड़ी अलग हूँ इसलिए 

या मेरे यह विचार!

लेकिन उनका उद्देश यह नहीं 

क्षति न करो मेरी चेतना की 

है मेरी भी कोई मरियादा 

मेरे स्वभाव का नहीं यह अभिप्राय 

की तुम भंग करो मेरा देह 

मैं तो सिर्फ एक परी हूँ 

दूर देश से आई हुई 

लौट जाने दो मुझे यूँ ही 

कुच्छ मीठी यादें लेकर 

मैं तोह सिर्फ एक परी हूँ 

दूर देश से आई हुई 

Haan main pari hoon

Door desh se aai ek pari hoon

Thodi si alag

Thodi si bekhabar

Thodi anjaan

Thodi ajaad

Khayal hai mere khule khule

Rishte yun hi ban bhi jaate hai

Sambandh Bhi jud jaate hai

Lekin hai meri bhi seemyein kai

Ulanghan karke unka

Anaadar naa karo mera

Bas kucch kshan ke sehwaas ke liye

Na todo yun meri pavitrata

Main toh sirf ek pari hoon

Door desh se aayi hui

Tumhara desh hai pyara pyara

Pyare rangon se khila khila

Lekin kyun hota hai har baar mere saath

Kya main thodi alag hoon isliye

Ya mere yeh vichaar!

Lekin unka uddesh yeh nahi

Kshati na karo meri chetna ki

Hai meri bhi koi mariyada

Mere swabhaav ka nahi yeh abhipraay

Ki tum bhang karo mera deh

Main toh sirf ek pari hoon

Door desh se aayi hui

Laut jaane do mujhe yun hi

Kucch mithi yaadein lekar

Main toh sirf ek pari hoon

Door desh se aayi hui

Why are we killing our girls?

Just yesterday I was talking to my super boss from Italy about Female infanticide when I had to explain to him what the phenomenon is and why it happens in India. I was infact discussing the same thing with my mom also a couple of days ago.

I want a girl, no really. I think they are cuter, you can dress them up, play with them and they care about their parents in a naturalistic maternal way eventually. However, I have come to realize that most Indians (even Chinese for that matter) do not concur with this idea.

So the question is why do Indians kill their daughters the moment they are born or right in the womb when they know they are going to have a girl? The answer is simple… Dowry.

What is dowry? Now, if you realize that till some years back a daughter did not have any legal right to their father’s property. Because this was prevalent even hundreds of years ago, parents gave their daughters’ ‘gifts’ in her marriage so that they can give her what they want as per their financial capability. It also meant that they keep giving their daughter ‘gifts’ on special occasions after her marriage because she had no claim/right in the property.

Now, the downside of this practice.  Certain families who had/have sons thought/think they have a ‘right’ to ask for ‘gifts’ from the girls parents, during and post marriage. Girls are tortured, burnt and killed for dowry. Girls’ parents are pressurized to pay up for marrying their daughters off to these sons. Over the years and for centuries now this pure practice of ‘gifting’ has taken a hideous turn and has turned into a bane called ‘Dowry’ for the girl and her parents alike.

Keeping this in mind, many people think that they did rather not have a daughter at all than facing issues of Dowry, ransom, torture etc in the future.

A couple of days ago when I was talking to mom (who is highly educated and has been a teacher) she said something like – I will have to give so and so to your mother-in-law for so and so occasion. Huh? Why? I mean if she wants to ‘gift’ me something or my husband something or my family members (in-laws) something it makes sense. But her stress on  the words that she ‘will have to’ really annoyed me. She said that ‘the relationship demands so…’ Huh again!! Why? I mean my mother-in-law hasn’t done a miracle because I am married to her son. Or no mother in this world has done a miracle by giving birth to a son. And there is no reason why a daughter’s in-laws need to be treated differently from a son’s in-laws.

 Why today someone like my mom also agrees that my in-laws need to be treated differently than my brother’s in-laws. The daughter’s in-laws demand higher respect? Why? Why should a girl be made to feel she is in some way inferior in a relationship? I mean, I just don’t get it.

I don’t believe that my in-laws can ‘demand’ anything materialistic from either me or my family, they also do not have a ‘right’ to any gifts my parents give me. My gifts are mine alone. This exchange or relationship is something that I will share with my parents for my lifetime. What I receive from them or give them is mine alone and no-one else’s to share or demand or ask.

But this is something that the standard ‘Indian’ mentality does not understand. And majority of Parents who have sons think they have a right to what a girl brings in the house. They treat their sons as some commodity that the girl’s parents ‘need’ to buy at the terms and conditions of the boys parents and keep feeding that commodity for life as some recurring cost at no expectation of any returns really.

India! Wake-up! The world has changed. Daughters earn equally (even better in some cases) than sons. There is nothing like Dowry in Vedic Hindu culture. It is a farce created by some greedy worthless pile of jerks who thought they are Gods because they have sons. Why are you still following it? All relationships should be equal no-one superior or inferior. Stop killing your daughters; they might just look after you better in your old age. The ratios are already dwindling. Half of the Indian men will soon die bachelors because there will be no women to marry them off to.

Wake up India! 

Caste Census or Caste Senseless!!

So, the government has decided to do a population census of India. Agreed. Now to make a complete social profiling of the country they have decided to add certain parameters to this survey. Caste being one of them.

Uh! Didn’t India just spend coupla decades/centuries just fighting this evil? And now that its breathing its last (though not so much in the rural areas), why would someone want to revive it. Ah! Vote banks I may think. What else? Or reservations? Or how to manipulate the existing laws for certain castes.

Ok, again I go back some 2000 years ago. Caste system may have made sense then. People of the same intellectual/social/financial/skill level herded together. The 4 major groups Kshatriyas (Royal families, warriors, essentially the wealthy lot with Kothees and Palaces), Brahmins (Poojarees, teachers, professors essentially the God fearing intellectual lot), Vaishyas (Farmers, traders essentially the business men), and Shudras (Plumber, shoemaker, painter essentially the service providers). Now, this classification in the society made life easier and also made sense. Within these major groups also existed sub-groups again depending on various other factors. One Kshatriya may be superior to other cause they are Royalty and other Brahmin would be superior to the next cause he worshipped in a bigger temple.

Within these castes the family tradition/skill/trade would be passed on to the next generation and they will carry out and pass on to their children so on and so forth. This all worked fine within a set number of people/community then. Children weren’t allowed to move out of the family tradition and pursue other activities by will. People were born into the profession/tradition that would define them.

Now back to year 2010… are we really sticking to it? To think of it if caste mattered I should be Royalty. But there is nothing Royal about my bank balance today. None of my family is Royal anymore. All working people, regular upper middle class working people. How would knowing anyone’s caste in today’s time help the census I wonder. Maybe helps in deciding any further division in the already existing reservations. Again a political strategy. What will that do to the common man? Nothing.

Here again I just touch upon one more point – Reservation. Relevant in today’s time? No. Was relevant 50 years ago? Yes. Because caste system was prevalent and opportunities to the so called ‘lower’ caste were least. Now that 2 generations (or more is it?) have taken advantage of it shouldn’t it be discontinued? Yes. But is someone listening? No. Cause that will affect the so-called vote banks. Reservations are in today’s time just preventing the eligible students/candidates from getting admissions/jobs. Let it be the survival of the fittest now enough opportunities have been given.

All in all the entire caste census seems pretty senseless considering the time and age. Rest lets wait and watch.

Naxals: What do they ‘really’ want?

Yesterday I was watching an interview of my favourite star on one of the news channels, when suddenly the presenter interrupted and said that some important news is coming in and we will have to suspend this show… The news was – another attack in Dantewada by Naxals… further by night news came in reporting the number of causalities and the innocent women and children who were killed in the attack. Sad!

Where is India heading? We have outsiders invading us and igniting fights and rifts between two religious communities. We have our very own politically strong ‘leaders’ selling communal peace for money. We already have so much wrong going in for us in our country…

As a layman what I know about Naxals – Men and women from under-developed areas of India – essentially tribal – fighting for a right to earn, to be educated, to be developed – basically their human rights. What they are fighting for – understood. How they are fight for it – beyond comprehension.

Do they understand that what they are doing is killing their own people – whom they claim to be fighting for. They aren’t any better than the militants that are infiltrating our borders and spreading violence in the country. These are their very own people. Don’t they get the point? Will killing the security forces or innocent civilians bring them justice? They say they are fighting for their human rights. Human? Rights? Do they know what these words mean? How many human’s rights have they violated? Do they have the right to have these rights also? Nope I don’t think so.

Somehow the purpose for which they are fighting seems to have been lost. I believe with peace and little patience these basic amenities can be worked out. And what I believe is you can’t just sit around and expect some one else to feed you. What have they done to develop themselves? Are they taking initiatives of educating themselves/their children? Are they going around hunting for jobs? India has come a long way since the 1960s when the first of the Naxal groups were formed. I am sure India has many more initiatives to educate and provide means of earning for these areas. But the Naxals just seemed to have spread and grown since then. What is the difference between them and the Daakus that we had back then? What is the difference between them and the terrorists that are terrorizing the country? They beg not be categorized with either of these. But I don’t see any difference. No, really.

Ever wondered who supplied them with Arms and Ammo? China might be having a laugh at India’s expense knowing how porous our country is. Knowing how easily not one but two neighbours can screw us left right and center. And I mean it literally.

I don’t know what I can do as a citizen to control this situation. But 10 years from now will the urban cities that we are living in be safe enough as well? Will I wonder when I leave home for work every day, whether I will return alive or not. Is it only the government’s responsibility or we as citizens can do something about it? I don’t know, but I am willing to contribute to peace in whatever manner I can.

Let peace prevail. Please stop this carnage.

Khap Panchayats - Do we really need them?

One blog that I read instigated this thought. And hence this blog where I will write things beyond creativity. Will talk of practicalities affecting us. 


The latest being the many incidences of so called - 'Honour Killings'. What are these and do we need a group of mentally demented people killing our families for the matter of honour? When will this stop?


I have one comment on the same Gotra marriages - Not marrying in the same Gotra was logical when the population was meager (I may be referring to 2000 years ago). Same Gotra man and woman may have similar genetic programming cause they may be related. As we all know that similar DNA programming of partners may result in 'not so genetically perfect' children. Now, with the population ever so increasing and so many permutations and combinations in families these calculations are obsolete.

Point to note here is that by 'adopting' a girl/guy to make the marriage possible does not really change the genetic programming of the individual. The basis of same Gotra marriage not being allowed IS infact the genetic make-up. So this so called 'upaya' is a farce for the so-called society/community that we live in.

We are in a world where we are talking about touring the Universe and achieving unbelievable scientific feats, does believing in such calculations which might have been logical 2000 years ago make sense now? What about the educated and politically influential people supporting such Khap Panchayats? Isn't there a way where we can drill sense into these people? I am a young woman who was blessed to be born in an urban family with modern thinking parents. But I have educated friends who still believe in these so called values. Is it because this is what is taught to them since they come to there senses. Will Indians ever grow out of their inability to adopt to changing times. Will Indians ever be more acceptable towards new ideas and broader sense of being.

Our culture and vedas are great and going through them makes sense. But shouldnt we use our brains to realize what may/may not hold true in todays times? Food for thought... Think about it.