Religion? What’s that?

I was having a chat with one of my friends today and we somehow started talking of religion. I am a Hindu and he is a Syrian Orthodox (it is a sub-division within Christianity I believe). He was talking of following religion or whatever was taught to him by his parents/grandparents/forefathers/ancestors without questioning.  

I like to question and challenge religion. What IS religion? No, really. What do you mean by saying that you are Hindu/Muslim/Christian/Sikh etc etc. As per me, it only states what kind of rituals you follow. We have so many divisions within these divisions and somehow I have noticed that people are rather intolerant about other people who may belong to the same religion and caste but different region. So doesn’t that mean that religion alone does not define you? It is the sub division, the caste, the sub caste, the region, the language, and of course the economic strata.  So what I understand that when religion was created, it was essentially created to give structure to the human life and way of life. Right?

Now because the environmental, political, spiritual, financial requirement of every region was different, religion was created to balance out all of these factors. Now just straying here a bit, one thing is very important for a human to survive (and this I say with personal experience) - Faith. So, there you go another ingredient there and that what is most important – Faith was added to religion.

For getting people together and to tie them to one string of belief some rituals were added, which when followed through generations became traditions. And these became customs, and the rest is history as they say. People somehow believe that you need to follow all of these customs come what may else 1. Your ancestors will be annoyed and curse you 2. Your Gods will be offended and curse you 3. You will die a horrible death 4. You will go to hell 5. Blah blah blah All of this put together is what we call Religion.

Most of us just follow blindly without questioning the logic or origin or reason to the particular custom/ritual/tradition. We do not stop to think whether doing so and so is applicable in today’s world and times. In some religions questioning the customs or the institute is a ‘sin’. Bah! There you go. If religion is so pure and it has the truth of the world in it then why I as a follower or believer do not have a right to question it? Let me question religion and let religion prove that whatever it preaches is true and let me fall on my knees and beg forgiveness and become a follower again. But nah! That door is closed already. Do religions fear that if followers question it/them then it/they will be in a thick soup and wouldn’t know what to answer.

But again we come to the same question, what is religion? And who are these people who govern religion? Who gives them the right to accept or banish people into or from it?

I am not a non-believer, I know there is some supreme power. I like some customs, they give a person/family pleasure. But I question. I question all that that does not make sense to me. I apply logic. I may have these massive arguments with most people around me who follow these customs blindly. But I have a brain, I have education, I can apply logic, so why not question and challenge something that as per humans is a rather large part of their being. Why not question why how what is done.

I question and I am not afraid of questioning publicly. I may be called an atheist or anti God or ‘bad influence’. But I know as a human I have a right to question. To question the very core of what drives people today. To question the core of something that is responsible for war and destruction and death across the world. I will choose whether I believe or not. I will choose whether what has become of our religion today holds true or not… It is all so wrecked. I will follow what gives me pleasure and peace and binds me to my family and friends. Not what divides and fills me with hatred.

Our heaven and hell both are here. We have to experience it on earth while we breathe. I believe in good Karma and that I know what it is. I still don’t know what is Religion and who is God!!!!

pari hoon

Today, read about another rape and the victim is an American woman working and living in India. It’s a regular news now to hear about foreign women being raped in India. Women, no matter from where they belong should not be violated. No matter how they dress, how they talk, what culture they belong to, when women say no they mean no, and that line should not be crossed…

हाँ में परी हूँ 

दूर देश से आई एक परी हूँ 

थोड़ी सी अलग 

थोड़ी सी बेखबर 

थोड़ी अनजान 

थोड़ी आजाद 

ख्याल है मेरे खुले खुले 

रिश्ते यूँ ही बन भी जाते है 

सम्बन्ध भी जुड़ जाते है 

लेकिन है मेरी भी सीमाएं कई 

उलंघन करके  उनका 

अनादर ना करो मेरा 

बस कुच्छ क्षण के सहवास के लिए 

न तोड़ो यूँ मेरी पवित्रता 

मैं तोह सिर्फ एक परी हूँ 

दूर देश से आई हुई 

तुम्हारा देश है प्यारा प्यारा 

प्यारे रंगों से खिला खिला 

लेकिन क्यूँ होता है हर बार मेरे साथ 

क्या में थोड़ी अलग हूँ इसलिए 

या मेरे यह विचार!

लेकिन उनका उद्देश यह नहीं 

क्षति न करो मेरी चेतना की 

है मेरी भी कोई मरियादा 

मेरे स्वभाव का नहीं यह अभिप्राय 

की तुम भंग करो मेरा देह 

मैं तो सिर्फ एक परी हूँ 

दूर देश से आई हुई 

लौट जाने दो मुझे यूँ ही 

कुच्छ मीठी यादें लेकर 

मैं तोह सिर्फ एक परी हूँ 

दूर देश से आई हुई 

Haan main pari hoon

Door desh se aai ek pari hoon

Thodi si alag

Thodi si bekhabar

Thodi anjaan

Thodi ajaad

Khayal hai mere khule khule

Rishte yun hi ban bhi jaate hai

Sambandh Bhi jud jaate hai

Lekin hai meri bhi seemyein kai

Ulanghan karke unka

Anaadar naa karo mera

Bas kucch kshan ke sehwaas ke liye

Na todo yun meri pavitrata

Main toh sirf ek pari hoon

Door desh se aayi hui

Tumhara desh hai pyara pyara

Pyare rangon se khila khila

Lekin kyun hota hai har baar mere saath

Kya main thodi alag hoon isliye

Ya mere yeh vichaar!

Lekin unka uddesh yeh nahi

Kshati na karo meri chetna ki

Hai meri bhi koi mariyada

Mere swabhaav ka nahi yeh abhipraay

Ki tum bhang karo mera deh

Main toh sirf ek pari hoon

Door desh se aayi hui

Laut jaane do mujhe yun hi

Kucch mithi yaadein lekar

Main toh sirf ek pari hoon

Door desh se aayi hui

Why are we killing our girls?

Just yesterday I was talking to my super boss from Italy about Female infanticide when I had to explain to him what the phenomenon is and why it happens in India. I was infact discussing the same thing with my mom also a couple of days ago.

I want a girl, no really. I think they are cuter, you can dress them up, play with them and they care about their parents in a naturalistic maternal way eventually. However, I have come to realize that most Indians (even Chinese for that matter) do not concur with this idea.

So the question is why do Indians kill their daughters the moment they are born or right in the womb when they know they are going to have a girl? The answer is simple… Dowry.

What is dowry? Now, if you realize that till some years back a daughter did not have any legal right to their father’s property. Because this was prevalent even hundreds of years ago, parents gave their daughters’ ‘gifts’ in her marriage so that they can give her what they want as per their financial capability. It also meant that they keep giving their daughter ‘gifts’ on special occasions after her marriage because she had no claim/right in the property.

Now, the downside of this practice.  Certain families who had/have sons thought/think they have a ‘right’ to ask for ‘gifts’ from the girls parents, during and post marriage. Girls are tortured, burnt and killed for dowry. Girls’ parents are pressurized to pay up for marrying their daughters off to these sons. Over the years and for centuries now this pure practice of ‘gifting’ has taken a hideous turn and has turned into a bane called ‘Dowry’ for the girl and her parents alike.

Keeping this in mind, many people think that they did rather not have a daughter at all than facing issues of Dowry, ransom, torture etc in the future.

A couple of days ago when I was talking to mom (who is highly educated and has been a teacher) she said something like – I will have to give so and so to your mother-in-law for so and so occasion. Huh? Why? I mean if she wants to ‘gift’ me something or my husband something or my family members (in-laws) something it makes sense. But her stress on  the words that she ‘will have to’ really annoyed me. She said that ‘the relationship demands so…’ Huh again!! Why? I mean my mother-in-law hasn’t done a miracle because I am married to her son. Or no mother in this world has done a miracle by giving birth to a son. And there is no reason why a daughter’s in-laws need to be treated differently from a son’s in-laws.

 Why today someone like my mom also agrees that my in-laws need to be treated differently than my brother’s in-laws. The daughter’s in-laws demand higher respect? Why? Why should a girl be made to feel she is in some way inferior in a relationship? I mean, I just don’t get it.

I don’t believe that my in-laws can ‘demand’ anything materialistic from either me or my family, they also do not have a ‘right’ to any gifts my parents give me. My gifts are mine alone. This exchange or relationship is something that I will share with my parents for my lifetime. What I receive from them or give them is mine alone and no-one else’s to share or demand or ask.

But this is something that the standard ‘Indian’ mentality does not understand. And majority of Parents who have sons think they have a right to what a girl brings in the house. They treat their sons as some commodity that the girl’s parents ‘need’ to buy at the terms and conditions of the boys parents and keep feeding that commodity for life as some recurring cost at no expectation of any returns really.

India! Wake-up! The world has changed. Daughters earn equally (even better in some cases) than sons. There is nothing like Dowry in Vedic Hindu culture. It is a farce created by some greedy worthless pile of jerks who thought they are Gods because they have sons. Why are you still following it? All relationships should be equal no-one superior or inferior. Stop killing your daughters; they might just look after you better in your old age. The ratios are already dwindling. Half of the Indian men will soon die bachelors because there will be no women to marry them off to.

Wake up India! 

Fitness V/s Indian-ness…

I lost 10 kgs in 5 months last year. I was never overweight; I gained all this weight in the year 2008 due to various factors and then didn’t bother to keep a check. One day suddenly I realized that I aint fit anymore and need to get in shape.

I started with my work outs that were a combination of Yoga, Pranayam, kickboxing, dancing and gyming. Kickboxing and dancing being thrice a week alternatively in the evenings and gyming and yoga in the morning. I would hit the gym at 5:30am sharp to start my work-outs that last 90 minutes. I have always believed in eating healthy, so I went back to my pre-marriage eating habits. A combination of all of this led to my weight loss. I really would rather call is size reduction, cause I don’t really believe in weight loss. During the process I initially gained weight, which means I gained muscles. And then I lost weight.

Now, something that I have noticed while I was back on my old eating habits and working out, I noticed that all my ‘Indian’ friends and family would discourage me and pull me down. Why? Because somehow I have noticed that it is very ‘Indian’ to demean someone who is supposedly watching what they eat (which is called ‘dieting’) or working out. The common comment that I would get is ‘you will wear yourself out’, ‘why do u want to loose weight?’, ‘why are you dieting’, ‘you aren’t living healthy’, ‘look at you!!’ etc… I never asked any of these people for comments, yet they will pass judgment on my face nonetheless. With a very incredulously pitched voice indicating that I am acting stupid. Well, people, I eat 7-8 meals a day and can run for 30 minutes (non-stop) and climb mountains easily and kick you butt at any form of dance (quite literally). I am fit and not skinny or anorexic. Yes, I don’t eat rice or chapattis or bread and biscuits everyday.   I do when I feel like. But that’s how I have always been. I don’t drink alcohol or aerated drinks cause I don’t enjoy them. All this put together are healthy eating choices.

I fail to understand what Indians have against ‘Fitness’. Fitness includes work-outs and healthy eating habits. And in general 80% people I know either looked at me with surprise, pulled me down or made fun of my endeavor to be fit.

We as a country need to understand that we are the heart attack AND Diabetes capital of the world. Fitness doesn’t necessarily mean only vanity (that ofcourse is an added benefit); fitness means Health and as well all know - Health is Wealth.

Indians in general have bad eating habits – they eat oily food, eat the wrong thing at the wrong time, have too many ‘empty calories’, heaviest meal is usually dinner which is post 10pm. It will take me another blog post to list all that is wrong choices and all that can be corrected to be fit and healthy for Indians.

Having said this, I still fail to understand why ‘Indians’ think that the idea of Fitness is simply vanity and influence of ‘Western’ or ‘Bollywood’ culture. Please realize that we don’t work in the farms anymore, we work in urban set-ups and to combat this basic shift in lifestyle why do we still follow a diet that is ‘High Calorie’ and designed for people who have heavy physical work. Indians its time for all of us to wake up and take stock of our health. And if anyone you know is striving to be fit, don’t pull them down, encourage them, you never know this positive outlook may just rub into you.

Caste Census or Caste Senseless!!

So, the government has decided to do a population census of India. Agreed. Now to make a complete social profiling of the country they have decided to add certain parameters to this survey. Caste being one of them.

Uh! Didn’t India just spend coupla decades/centuries just fighting this evil? And now that its breathing its last (though not so much in the rural areas), why would someone want to revive it. Ah! Vote banks I may think. What else? Or reservations? Or how to manipulate the existing laws for certain castes.

Ok, again I go back some 2000 years ago. Caste system may have made sense then. People of the same intellectual/social/financial/skill level herded together. The 4 major groups Kshatriyas (Royal families, warriors, essentially the wealthy lot with Kothees and Palaces), Brahmins (Poojarees, teachers, professors essentially the God fearing intellectual lot), Vaishyas (Farmers, traders essentially the business men), and Shudras (Plumber, shoemaker, painter essentially the service providers). Now, this classification in the society made life easier and also made sense. Within these major groups also existed sub-groups again depending on various other factors. One Kshatriya may be superior to other cause they are Royalty and other Brahmin would be superior to the next cause he worshipped in a bigger temple.

Within these castes the family tradition/skill/trade would be passed on to the next generation and they will carry out and pass on to their children so on and so forth. This all worked fine within a set number of people/community then. Children weren’t allowed to move out of the family tradition and pursue other activities by will. People were born into the profession/tradition that would define them.

Now back to year 2010… are we really sticking to it? To think of it if caste mattered I should be Royalty. But there is nothing Royal about my bank balance today. None of my family is Royal anymore. All working people, regular upper middle class working people. How would knowing anyone’s caste in today’s time help the census I wonder. Maybe helps in deciding any further division in the already existing reservations. Again a political strategy. What will that do to the common man? Nothing.

Here again I just touch upon one more point – Reservation. Relevant in today’s time? No. Was relevant 50 years ago? Yes. Because caste system was prevalent and opportunities to the so called ‘lower’ caste were least. Now that 2 generations (or more is it?) have taken advantage of it shouldn’t it be discontinued? Yes. But is someone listening? No. Cause that will affect the so-called vote banks. Reservations are in today’s time just preventing the eligible students/candidates from getting admissions/jobs. Let it be the survival of the fittest now enough opportunities have been given.

All in all the entire caste census seems pretty senseless considering the time and age. Rest lets wait and watch.

Naxals: What do they ‘really’ want?

Yesterday I was watching an interview of my favourite star on one of the news channels, when suddenly the presenter interrupted and said that some important news is coming in and we will have to suspend this show… The news was – another attack in Dantewada by Naxals… further by night news came in reporting the number of causalities and the innocent women and children who were killed in the attack. Sad!

Where is India heading? We have outsiders invading us and igniting fights and rifts between two religious communities. We have our very own politically strong ‘leaders’ selling communal peace for money. We already have so much wrong going in for us in our country…

As a layman what I know about Naxals – Men and women from under-developed areas of India – essentially tribal – fighting for a right to earn, to be educated, to be developed – basically their human rights. What they are fighting for – understood. How they are fight for it – beyond comprehension.

Do they understand that what they are doing is killing their own people – whom they claim to be fighting for. They aren’t any better than the militants that are infiltrating our borders and spreading violence in the country. These are their very own people. Don’t they get the point? Will killing the security forces or innocent civilians bring them justice? They say they are fighting for their human rights. Human? Rights? Do they know what these words mean? How many human’s rights have they violated? Do they have the right to have these rights also? Nope I don’t think so.

Somehow the purpose for which they are fighting seems to have been lost. I believe with peace and little patience these basic amenities can be worked out. And what I believe is you can’t just sit around and expect some one else to feed you. What have they done to develop themselves? Are they taking initiatives of educating themselves/their children? Are they going around hunting for jobs? India has come a long way since the 1960s when the first of the Naxal groups were formed. I am sure India has many more initiatives to educate and provide means of earning for these areas. But the Naxals just seemed to have spread and grown since then. What is the difference between them and the Daakus that we had back then? What is the difference between them and the terrorists that are terrorizing the country? They beg not be categorized with either of these. But I don’t see any difference. No, really.

Ever wondered who supplied them with Arms and Ammo? China might be having a laugh at India’s expense knowing how porous our country is. Knowing how easily not one but two neighbours can screw us left right and center. And I mean it literally.

I don’t know what I can do as a citizen to control this situation. But 10 years from now will the urban cities that we are living in be safe enough as well? Will I wonder when I leave home for work every day, whether I will return alive or not. Is it only the government’s responsibility or we as citizens can do something about it? I don’t know, but I am willing to contribute to peace in whatever manner I can.

Let peace prevail. Please stop this carnage.

Do men really assume that working independent women are available?

Prologue: I am a working woman – that is my first identity. I am independent – financially, yes and pretty confident about it. I am married – I love my husband and my family.

What men assume: I am a working woman who is independent; I am ready easy and fast and available.

The truth: I am working because I think I have a talent other than housekeeping and I can use this to give back to the society in whatever way I can. I love working. I have brains. I love the financial independence and the fact that I can contribute equally in the house.

I am writing this because of the many experiences that I have had in the corporate world and the world beyond likewise. I have attended umpteen conferences, have interacted with several men, all in all I draw one conclusion, men will try their luck with you. There have been instances when the men know that I am married and very happily so, yet, they would ask you out for coffee/dinner/drinks out of the work context. We aren’t really friends are we? So what’s the point of going out for coffee? You wanna have coffee? Come to my office I shall offer you. You wanna socialize, ok, get your wife along, I will get my husband.

Working women have their set of friends that they are comfortable with. We may not really be interested and seeing you guys after the interaction we have because of work. Honestly. And sex with you hasn’t even crossed our mind. So lay off.

I work with an MNC and I have typically seen this attitude in Indian men, who will keep trying till they become a nuisance for you. When men from other cultures (mainly western) realize you are not interested (or are married), they lay off.

Just because a woman gets out of the house, wears a business suit and looks confident does not mean she is available. Single, married or involved, women have their choices and preferences about men they want to do business with, date, talk to or make friends. All the mentioned categories are independent of each other. Just cause a woman attends conferences and speaks with you cordially and reciprocates pleasantries doesn’t mean she will sleep with you. Simple.

These are points of view. Yours are welcome for discussion.