Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Do men really assume that working independent women are available?

Prologue: I am a working woman – that is my first identity. I am independent – financially, yes and pretty confident about it. I am married – I love my husband and my family.

What men assume: I am a working woman who is independent; I am ready easy and fast and available.

The truth: I am working because I think I have a talent other than housekeeping and I can use this to give back to the society in whatever way I can. I love working. I have brains. I love the financial independence and the fact that I can contribute equally in the house.

I am writing this because of the many experiences that I have had in the corporate world and the world beyond likewise. I have attended umpteen conferences, have interacted with several men, all in all I draw one conclusion, men will try their luck with you. There have been instances when the men know that I am married and very happily so, yet, they would ask you out for coffee/dinner/drinks out of the work context. We aren’t really friends are we? So what’s the point of going out for coffee? You wanna have coffee? Come to my office I shall offer you. You wanna socialize, ok, get your wife along, I will get my husband.

Working women have their set of friends that they are comfortable with. We may not really be interested and seeing you guys after the interaction we have because of work. Honestly. And sex with you hasn’t even crossed our mind. So lay off.

I work with an MNC and I have typically seen this attitude in Indian men, who will keep trying till they become a nuisance for you. When men from other cultures (mainly western) realize you are not interested (or are married), they lay off.

Just because a woman gets out of the house, wears a business suit and looks confident does not mean she is available. Single, married or involved, women have their choices and preferences about men they want to do business with, date, talk to or make friends. All the mentioned categories are independent of each other. Just cause a woman attends conferences and speaks with you cordially and reciprocates pleasantries doesn’t mean she will sleep with you. Simple.

These are points of view. Yours are welcome for discussion.


Nirav Thakker said...

perfectly well put! i guess it's the mindset of us Indian men that has to change! many accept the fact and stay off just like the western counterparts but then some are "Orkuttians" :) keep trying their luck on every woman they can lay their eyes upon! :)

Pradeep Nayak said...

Well said Shrushti! I agree completely wat u have said and its very true! I am still not into the corporate world, but i have heard intances from my cousins about how people try to mess around!

Harry said...

Just because you have come across a handful of deutsch bags, you will generalize this for the whole section. I won't say its your fault that you have written something like this, but its definitely your bad luck that you have come across such guys frequently.

anaggh said...

Agree with your views, but why do you restrict it to independent women only. My wife is independent, though having given up working quite a while ago, actively involved earlier as a Rotarian (I was NOT) then other NGO's etc and she has faced the same problem.

On the other hand, I have personally faced such situations in the past:( so whilst the problem for women may be acute at times, we are also not left out.

We have handled it by mutual trust and laughing about it:)

Ratzzz said...

true that one...

at my first job, my situation was similar... advances by men almost daily... but wen i showed least interest in them, i was branded as a lesbian.. yeah rite!

why won't guys understand that the fact that "i am interest in men, but that man is not you.. "

you are atleast married, Srusti.. i am single and live alone... they think just coz i live alone i am easy and they have a place to ermm come over :D its funny wen still guys try to find my address :D

such is life...

Srushti Rao said...

@Pradeep It is very rampant and yes women are at the receiving end.
@Nirav There are men who accept the fact that women arent interested and lay off, true, but the number of men who dont is still very significant and that is what can be annoying
@Harry I agree that there are men who may not be so annoying afterall, but I face far more men who will keep pestering you till the end. I am just hoping that men change and become more like the metrosexual men of our generation that will let women be and respect women as an individual and not just a sex object
@Anaggh I have experienced it while I work in corporate environment, I have also experienced it when I am in my other role - Artist. So I guess it is just a man thing to hit on women. I agree men face it as well, but the instances that I have heard are far less... maybe there arent as many women in power yet ;)